Thursday, December 7, 2017

Having It All

I'm not sure who sold it, but I bought it.

Hook, line, and sinker.

I bought the notion that I could have everything. With balance, I could control my
destiny. I could have everything. What does that even mean?

As a very young woman, I had two very different visions of myself as adult. It was
like a painful 80s movie where I would either be rich, living alone in a fancy apartment,
or I would be a stay-at-home mom with lots of kids living in a well worn house.

Now, I find myself stuck in the middle of those two visions. My imagination had me
polarized. Always my plan was simple and clear and NOT in the middle!

Living in the middle, I am sometimes lost between the professional woman who works
until she drops and the family woman who chooses family above all else. I don’t know
which woman I am supposed to be. This is not how I envisioned things. It is not simple.

Back to the poorly purchased belief system. This morning, I got up early and exercised,
had my coffee, plucked some of many unwelcome facial hairs, got into the office about
an hour earlier than I had the day before. It appeared that things were together. I
jumped in at the office with both feet. Professionally, I was rockin’.

However, in order to get to the place where I have it together (almost) at the office, the
dishes still sit in the sink and the lava in "Laundry Mountain” is pushing up/out through
the fault lines and growing each day.

I bought the notion, but I can't live it out. Is there anyone who can? Did they really get
it all done in the generations before me? Am I just trying to live a lie?

I have met a few women who I thought had put everything in place and had it “all”. It
is funny because as I became more honest with them and they became more honest
with me, I found they were no more at peace or rested than myself. They look “together”
in the right light, at the correct angle, with most of the picture cropped out. Their outside
world might have been a bit less chaotic, but their internal world was out of control.

Sometimes I stop and wonder if there is one or some who think I have life handled. If I
have shown only part of the picture, if you just read my Facebook profile and only come
over after receiving an invitation, you might think I "have it together.”

A quote that stopped me in my tracks is attributed to Oprah Winfrey:

You CAN have it all. You just can’t have it all AT THE SAME TIME.”

AHA! Cue the fireworks. That is the ticket. I want to have it all right now and it be easy to
balance. It doesn't work that way. I know this without a doubt.

We must consider that the life we are living out, though not necessarily what we imagined,
has great potential. I think my life is better than what I envisioned, but I didn't picture it
being so hard to live out!

Hang in there, sisters. Hang on. It is a wild ride in God's Kingdom…even when the
laundry isn't done; we get to be right in Christ!

The above post was initially written and published in 2013

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